Back to basics. I haven’t posted in a while because Angela’s family took us on a vacation to Costa Rica for 10 days. We are so grateful for that trip, it’s a stunning country filled with beautiful geography, wildlife and every person we met was genuinely kind. Angela and I both left feeling inspired and we want to return to see more of it’s culture, wildlife (and also beaches, the beaches were amazing).

I’m struggling with the internet lately. Back working on set I find doom scrolling to be the norm, I’m programmed to look at my phone, searching for validation through Instagram. It’s easy for photographers who naturally are seeking approval of their images and work. But lately everything feels like it’s under a robot’s control.

I’m trying to get myself to pull out a sketchbook and just doodle instead of seeking the glow of the algorithm. Anyways. I’m putting Instagram on ‘pause’ on my phone for much of the day. It’s a funny exercise though. Somedays it works and I only check for shorter periods at the beggining and end of day, looking for messages etc. Somedays I just end up hitting it open anyways and go back to regularly scheduled programming.

Lamp Ops on a day exterior. In Ladysmith, Spring 2023.

Dropped the ball a couple days on the posts. I’ve been busy the last few nights post work, busy in good ways. Watching cheap movie night and bouldering for the first time in, several years. My forearms are very sore as I write this.

You can always do everything different. Not always better, but you can do it different. Again and again, different is good, even if it’s the same kind of different. Also the same isn’t so bad.

Do stuff.

I’m finding myself longing for the summer already. It feels conflicted though, I do love the snow and winter. Last weekend I went out with Becky on Sunday morning and shot half a roll of film while walking with her on the beach. I loved the cold snow, ice creeping on the river’s edge, both being the river itself and the riverbank at the same time. I slowed myself down on finishing that roll, it’s actually a new film that I am hoping to have a variety of subjects on so that I can showcase it on Latency. In the afternoon I put on all the warm cycling kit I owned and rode up twice to ride flow trails that were wildly fun, if a little bit of a dodgy two wheeled bobsled track.

Anyway, it was pretty different from this Sunday. For one, I was exhausted. First week of filming on the show I’m working and we did a six day week. On one hand I’m more than happy for the sixth day pay rate, on the other hand I spent most of Sunday feeling like Death. Becky and I went to the river, but the warm snow slopped under my lazy legs, I was glad to see Becky prancing around the snow, shoving her nose through searching for isolated smells wafting through. We did another short hike later in the afternoon, where I went to spend time with her on trails (she loves trails) but I felt myself plod along. I definitely wasn’t inspired to be making photographs.

So it’s a mix bag. Really this short weekend was missing a bike ride. And some motivation to keep moving on. Ambition can be a real son of a bitch sometimes. I wanted to make progress on a few specific things this weekend but I felt glued to the couch when I couldn’t get out for a bike ride in lousy weather/trail conditions. I feel like there’s a mild two wolves eating each other situation with my full time job and my personal business and goals.

Robert Mayfield, cousin Rob. Robert lived with me for a winter of racing and training up here in Vancouver/Burnaby (for the velodrome) where we pushed each other to train, a lot. That first winter led to one of my best Spring campaigns of my racing career. Robert wasn’t the only factor in that, I know very well that meeting Angela that winter and the amazing headspace and confidence I’d found with my new partner influenced my bike racing more than most other ingredients.

Anyways, this story is mainly to say, that Robert’s Gretzky shirt is perfect, because one of the times he stayed with us I also tattooed a toque on him with a 99. He’s a great one too.

I’ve been trying to shoot Amiel’s portrait for a couple of years now. It took me not participating in racing Provincials myself in order to corral him into it finally. I maybe was a bit rushed on this particular day, I didn’t realize that the Sunday racing schedule was moving so swiftly, so instead of being able to take my time setting it up it was a little run and gun. I’m happy to have finally got it though, even if I didn’t quite nail the focus as much as I wanted to on the 4x5. It would have been nice to have him seated after racing, it’s difficult not to drift after a weekend full of racing.

Keeping my own challenges in perspective is difficult sometimes. Many of my goals and dreams don’t often line up with reality, but so many of them do. Q-Tip in A Tribe Called Quests’ Mr Incognito summed it up perfectly: Ride, Crib, Mutt, Wife. I’m trying be grateful for those things and while it’s cold this week sleeping in my relatively unfinished camper van, there’s so many folks who don’t have the privilege of making choices that keep them safe and out of the elements.